I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
two words: eviction party
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
