I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
