How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
