You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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