So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
