I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
