I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
