I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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