I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
