she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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