Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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