my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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