you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
