Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
