guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
