I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
