Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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