I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
handjob tips. give me some.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
