so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
