Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
