the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
