bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
