So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
