In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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