buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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