dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did i walk over a car last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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