My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
