I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
