Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You're like the curious george of whores
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
