I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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