Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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