Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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