Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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