you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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