Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
