I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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