I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
