The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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