So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
