I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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