and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I supernannyed him into submission
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
