My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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