I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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