I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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