After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
