apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
