I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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