i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
