Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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