im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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