garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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