my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
