What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He felt like a one man threesome
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
