He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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